


Humanity

by SherlockWolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Backstory, Gen, M/M, POV Castiel, and Dean, he's in love with humanity, musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 02:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13021317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: “You know why we’re meant to stay away from them? Humans?”Benjamin had once asked Castiel this, a long time ago. They’d been lying out in the sun on the savannah as lionesses with their vessels’ pride. It had been a pleasant day, slightly breezy, elephants playing nearby, a heard of zebras bustling along, lion cubs mewling at their mothers, birds chirping and chasing one another…Then a small tribe of humans had scurried passed, tailing the zebras. Their spears, mud make-up, and intelligent dark eyes had caught Castiel’s attention. They were an animal unlike any other, and he’d been fascinated.“It’s not because we’re a danger to them. They’re a danger to us.”





	Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> im working on writing from Cas' POV, so let me know what you think. also if there are any grammar/spelling errors let me know. enjoy!

  “You know why we’re meant to stay away from them? Humans?”

    Benjamin had once asked Castiel this, a long time ago. They’d been lying out in the sun on the savannah as lionesses with their vessels’ pride. It had been a pleasant day, slightly breezy, elephants playing nearby, a heard of zebras bustling along, lion cubs mewling at their mothers, birds chirping and chasing one another…

    Then a small tribe of humans had scurried passed, tailing the zebras. Their spears, mud make-up, and intelligent dark eyes had caught Castiel’s attention. They were an animal unlike any other, and he’d been fascinated.

    “It’s not because we’re a danger to  _them_. They’re a danger to  _us_.” Benjamin answered his own question.

    For the longest time, Castiel had not understood what his brother meant by that. He’d continued to watch the rise and spread of humans over Earth, endlessly curious as to how they would develop from where they were. It seemed as though the species were itself an anthill, building and building without any sign of stopping, no matter how much time passed. And soon enough the planet was crawling with them, just as an anthill crawled with ants.

    Castiel watched great societies take and lose power. He watched smaller ones sustain endlessly. He watched as humans evolved both physically and socially, changing into beings with complexities that nearly matched those of the angels.

    Most of the angels were disgruntled by this. God had said that they were his children, brought into creation so that they might monitor and love the Earth and her plants and animals as he did. God had not said that he would allow some of the animals to become like the angels, yet here they were. And God loved them so much.

    Lucifer may have been the first to rebel, his hate for the humans too strong to be ignored, but he was not the only one. Though the rest of the Archangels, especially Michael, stayed loyal to God there were more than a few lesser angels who abandoned their God-given purpose.

    Some did so because they lost faith, both in God and humanity, and wanted to spend their time with the other animals. Some did so because they fell in love with humanity and couldn’t stand to be around the angels.

    Castiel fell into the second of the two.

    It hadn’t started out that way. Castiel had been a good soldier. He believed in God. His father was good, could be trusted, and loved his angels as much as the world he’d created. While God was still in Heaven, the angels had been carefree and happy, living amongst the animals on Earth as well as in Heaven and doing good things on both planes.

    But then God vanished. In his absence, Castiel and the other angels gradually fell into faith of the warped word of God that Michael and Raphael had lead them to trust. Over just a few thousand years, everything the angels had ever known changed. Michael and Raphael ran Heaven like a military, on an endless crusade to destroy every demon and demon-spawn that existed. Though they pretended to, they didn’t care who died in the process, angel or human. Those angels who were still in Heaven were lead to believe that this war was good, and had been asked of them by God. They did not know that Michael and Raphael had become vengeful and had turned them into stone-cold killing machines.

    Part of this ignorance was caused by the ban on non-business interactions with humans. The angels were threatened into fearing too much human contact. They were scared into believing that humans and any angel who fell in love with them were corrupt, evil, and misguided.

    Young angels easily fell into this trap, while most of the older angels had already abandoned Heaven or were in cahoots with Michael and Raphael. The older angels who were left, like Castiel, were brainwashed. Reset, so that they would forget what it had been like to feel.

    Castiel’s fall began when he met a young woman from Greece, when the country was in its height. Her soul had caught Castiel’s attention and he was drawn to her, liked her personality, and quickly became friends with her. He began to understand what he had long ago forgotten: the human perspective on life. On the universe. On existing.

    And he had realized that there was so much more to Earth than being obedient to a father who he’d never even met. He realized that Michael and Raphael had been lying to the angels.

    That was the first time he’d been reset by Naomi.

    The second, he’d made friends with a Chinese herbalist and had rediscovered the joys of mortality.

    The third, Castiel had fought alongside a Muslim family who were hunting a demon who had cursed them.

    The forth, Castiel had helped an Aniyunwiya woman escape her captors and return to her homeland.

    The fifth time, Castiel had become friends with another human, this time a young boy in South Africa who had dreams of changing the future of his country. Castiel never got to see him make those changes, but when he hears the name  _Nelson Mandela_ he smiles fondly.

    Each of these times, he’d been reprimanded for becoming too sympathetic to human plights. He’d been too eager to help them with every woe and sorrow, too willing to dance around for them rather than do his angelic duty and return to Heaven. Naomi had him kill his friends’ images over and over again until he was no longer broken by her standards. Until he was correctly brainwashed, the fractures in his beliefs mended, his memories erased. Then he became again the soldier he was asked to be. Each time, he lost himself.

    But then, he put his hand on Dean Winchester’s soul.

    Naomi couldn’t reset him. Lucifer, Michael, and Raphael couldn’t sway him. Not even angels he had long ago considered friends, like Balthazar, Gabriel, or Hannah could stop him.

    Castiel was lost to Dean, and nothing could bring him back from that cliff.

    What was it about Dean’s soul that was different from the five before him? What had captured Castiel so wholly that he could not escape it? Castiel had pondered these very questions from the beginning. When he had saved Dean, the soul had latched on to his grace in a way that it should not have. It left marks on Castiel’s grace, traces of energy that could not be dislodged. Traces of emotions and memories that were Dean’s, yet now belonged, in part, to Castiel. Feelings of love, trust, betrayal, hope, fear, and exhaustion. Memories of family, friends, monsters, hardship, death, and life.

    Castiel’s installed instincts were to battle the emotions, to rid himself of the impurities so that he could continue to serve God and the angels the way they needed him to.

    But then, he learned as he always did, that Heaven was flawed. He learned that the angels were unjust in their deliverance of justice. He learned once again of their corruption.

    All because of Dean and Sam.

    It had honestly been a shock that Castiel had been allowed to get so far derailed without Naomi catching him and strapping him to that chair again, when in the past she had done it for the littlest offense. It had been equally surprising that Castiel had been able to escape her this time around, though as Castiel continued to reflect on it, perhaps less surprising than it should have been. How could he have killed Dean Winchester when impressions of the man’s soul were still on his grace? When he still loved, despite Naomi’s attempts to rid him of it?

    Castiel understood now what Benjamin had once warned him about. It was easy for angels to fall in love with humans because when God had still ruled, they had had the right. Michael and Raphael had been afraid to lose their soldiers to the softness of the emotional lives they had once led.

    Benjamin himself had fallen, not unlike Castiel. Though Castiel would never co-inhabit Dean’s body, he understood why Benjamin did. The traces on his grace from Dean’s soul were addictive, and he could only imagine how intoxicating full and constant contact with the soul itself would be like.

    Castiel had been tempted many times to ask Dean for the experience. To feel every part of his body with his grace, to love Dean from the inside out. But not only did he know Dean would deny him, he knew that it would be inappropriate to ask in the first place.

    Because Castiel was not the only one who had fallen in love. And that was dangerous.

    But what threatened Castiel most, over anything else, was a simple rule which governed the universe.

    Mortality.

    What Benjamin was running from was one of Castiel’s greatest fears. As long as Benjamin was within his lover’s body, he could protect her from it. But if he left and harm fell upon her, or if he himself were killed with an angel blade, it would be all over.

    Castiel knew that Dean Winchester would die. He was human and mortal. Castiel couldn’t protect him forever, because no matter how many times he saved Dean’s life, Dean would always get older. Then biology would take him away.

    Metatron had once asked him what he would do when it was all over. When the Winchesters were gone, and Castiel was once again at the mercy of Heaven. The simple answer to the question was that Castiel had absolutely no idea what he would do. It terrified him to think about facing a world without Dean in it.

    The complicated answer was that Castiel would find a way to get to Dean’s heaven. He would fight his way back into Heaven and search tirelessly until he found Dean. Then, he would spend the rest of eternity in whatever place with whatever people Dean loved most. He’d find a way to hide himself from the rest of the angels so they could never take him away.

    Yes, now Castiel understood. When angels fell in love with humanity it was irreversible, the kind of damage that couldn’t be undone. But Castiel would not want to be fixed even if he could.


End file.
